How to Believe in Yourself

How to Believe in Yourself: Overcoming Self-Doubt and Unlocking Confidence

For much of my life, I’ve wrestled with self-doubt. Whether it was starting my resale business or venturing into new areas like affiliate marketing and print-on-demand, uncertainty always seemed to follow. Like many others, I found myself questioning whether I was making the right choices, and that constant inner voice of doubt held me back from truly believing in myself.

But over time, I’ve learned that overcoming self-doubt is key to unlocking confidence and personal growth. It’s not an overnight transformation—learning how to believe in yourself is a daily practice. By using techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and the Negative Cognitive Triad, I’ve started to identify the patterns of negative thinking that were keeping me stuck. This process has allowed me to challenge those doubts head-on, and slowly but surely, I’ve begun to shift my mindset toward self-belief.

In this article, I’ll share my personal journey of confronting self-doubt, the tools I’ve found helpful in my progress, and the steps you can take to start believing in yourself and moving toward your goals.

Understanding Self-Doubt and Its Impact

Self-doubt is more than just a passing thought; it’s a heavy weight that can settle in your chest and make you feel like you’re constantly battling yourself. It whispers, "You’re not good enough," just when you start to believe you might be. For years, it was the shadow that followed me everywhere—questioning every step, every decision. It didn’t matter how many times I succeeded; that voice of doubt was always there, louder than the accomplishments.

When I first started my resale business, I felt confident. I was making $5,000, maybe even $10,000 a year. That felt like winning. But then, as I looked for ways to grow, I began to second-guess everything. I wondered if I should stick with Poshmark or try something new like affiliate marketing or print-on-demand. Every time I thought I was moving forward, self-doubt crept in, pulling me back with the question, "What if this doesn’t work? What if I’m making the wrong choice?"

Self-doubt doesn’t just make you hesitate—it can paralyze you. It convinces you that taking a leap is too risky, that you’re not ready, that maybe you’ll never be ready. For me, it showed up as constant indecision and that endless need for validation from others. I became so wrapped up in seeking approval that I forgot to trust myself. Every time someone questioned my choices, it reinforced the doubt I already felt.

This isn’t just about feeling insecure; it’s about feeling stuck. It’s watching other people move forward while you stay frozen in place, afraid that you’ll fail. I know what it’s like to be held back by that fear, and it’s exhausting. But the most painful part is realizing that the only person standing in your way is you.

I’m sharing this because I know I’m not alone. Self-doubt can feel like it’s suffocating your dreams, but the truth is, it doesn’t have to. It doesn’t have to dictate your future or define who you are. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that while self-doubt might never fully disappear, it can be managed. It can be challenged. And it can be overcome.

The Turning Point: Facing My Own Inner Critic

There comes a moment when you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Why am I so afraid of believing in myself?" For me, that moment didn’t come with some grand epiphany. It wasn’t a motivational quote or an overnight change. It came from exhaustion—exhaustion from constantly feeling like I wasn’t enough, no matter how hard I worked.

I remember one night lying awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling overwhelmed by all the choices I’d made. Every decision was colored with doubt. Should I have left my resale business? Should I have pursued something safer? Maybe if I just stuck with a regular job, I wouldn’t feel this way. But I knew deep down that this wasn’t just about the decisions I made. It was about the narrative I kept telling myself—that I wasn’t capable of achieving anything bigger.

I spent so much time running from my own thoughts, afraid to sit with them. But I couldn’t run forever. The turning point wasn’t dramatic—it was small. It was in therapy, where I was introduced to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and the concept of the Negative Cognitive Triad. I didn’t think much of it at first, but as I started to write down my thoughts, something clicked.

I realized how much power I had been giving to these thoughts. Every "I’m not good enough" had been playing on repeat in my head, shaping my choices, holding me back from the life I wanted. Writing them down brought them into the light—where they couldn’t hide anymore.

Suddenly, I wasn’t just passively accepting my self-doubt. I was confronting it, head-on. And in doing that, I saw for the first time how much it had controlled me. I started recognizing the patterns—how self-doubt had stopped me from taking risks, kept me from seeing my own progress, and made me rely on validation from others instead of trusting myself.

It wasn’t easy. Every time I’d write down a negative thought, it felt like a punch to the gut. But I knew I had to face it. Because if I didn’t, I’d never break free. I would stay stuck, trapped in a cycle of doubt and hesitation. That was the moment I started reclaiming my story.

And here's the thing: I’m still in this process. Some days are better than others. But every time I challenge a self-doubt, I feel a little lighter. A little freer. And most importantly, I’m beginning to trust myself again.

The Pain of Knowing You Could Have Been Great

There’s a certain kind of pain that comes with knowing you could have been great—when deep down, you realize that you had the potential to succeed, but something held you back. For me, that pain came during my wrestling years. I didn’t make it to the state championships, not because I wasn’t good enough, but because of a problem I couldn’t overcome at the time: drugs.

I remember the hours I spent on the mat, training harder than most of the people around me. Wrestling was one of the few things in my life that I felt I could be truly great at. But even as I trained, even as I won matches, there was this part of me that doubted whether I’d ever make it to the top. Self-doubt was always there, like a constant companion.

Then came the drugs. At first, I told myself I could handle it—that it wouldn’t interfere with my dreams. But soon enough, it started pulling me away from what I loved. I missed practices, lost focus, and began slipping away from the sport that meant so much to me. I knew, deep down, that I was sabotaging my own future, but I couldn’t stop myself.

When the time came for the state championships, I wasn’t there. I had let myself fall into a pattern of self-destruction, and it cost me the chance to prove myself—to prove that I was enough. The worst part wasn’t that I didn’t make it—it was knowing that I could have. That realization hit me harder than any loss ever could.

That failure haunted me for years. Every time I thought about it, I felt a deep sense of shame and regret. I would ask myself over and over, "What if I had stayed on track? What if I had fought harder against the temptations that pulled me away?" I knew I could have been something more, but I let myself fall.

It wasn’t just about losing out on the championship—it was about feeling like I had failed myself. And that feeling stuck with me, long after the wrestling season was over. It became a part of my identity, feeding into the self-doubt that had already taken root in my mind. I would question myself constantly, wondering if I was always going to be the person who let potential slip through their fingers.

The Roots of Self-Doubt: A Journey from Childhood to Combat

Looking back, I realize my self-doubt wasn’t something that appeared overnight. It’s something that’s been with me for as long as I can remember, rooted deep in my childhood. Growing up, I never felt like I was enough. No matter how hard I tried or how big I dreamed, I couldn’t escape the feeling that maybe I just didn’t have what it took to succeed.

I remember moments where I wanted to talk about my ambitions—to share my dreams of doing something creative, of being someone who mattered. But instead of encouragement, I was met with indifference. Over time, those subtle discouragements turned into a voice inside my head. It was the voice that told me, "You’re not enough. Your dreams are too big. You’ll never get there."

That voice followed me into adulthood. It was with me when I started my first business and questioned every step I took. But nothing brought out that self-doubt more than my time in Afghanistan.

In the middle of a war zone, you’d think self-doubt would be the last thing on your mind. You’re supposed to be focused on survival, on doing your job. But for me, even there, in the chaos of combat, self-doubt crept in. There were moments—between the explosions, between the fear—where I’d find myself staring up at the stars, dreaming of something bigger. I didn’t dream of battle. I dreamed of being a music producer, of creating something that would change the world.

But every time I allowed myself to dream, that same voice returned. "Who do you think you are? You’re just a Marine in the middle of a war zone. You’re not good enough to become a music producer." Even surrounded by the noise of rockets and gunfire, the loudest voice I heard was my own doubt.

I began to wonder if I would ever live to see those dreams come true, or if I would always be the person who let doubt hold them back. That feeling of not being enough—born from my childhood and carried into my adult life—was like a shadow that I couldn’t shake.

The hardest part wasn’t the combat. It was the inner battle—the battle to believe that I could be more than what that voice told me I was. Even as I dreamed of something more, the doubt felt stronger. Every failure I experienced seemed to confirm it. Every mistake was proof that I wasn’t cut out for the life I wanted.

But something changed during those moments in Afghanistan. As I stared up at the stars, I realized something important: I had survived. I had made it through every single thing life threw at me. And maybe that meant something. Maybe it meant that, despite the doubt, despite the fear, I was capable of more than I believed.

That realization didn’t make the self-doubt disappear overnight, but it was a turning point. For the first time, I understood that the voice in my head wasn’t the truth. It was just a story I’d been telling myself—a story that started when I was a kid, but one that I didn’t have to keep living.

The Battle Between External Judgment and Self-Worth

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that self-doubt doesn’t just come from within. It’s often reinforced by the people around you—the critics, the skeptics, the ones who question your choices and make you feel like you’ll never be enough in their eyes. And for a long time, I let their voices fuel my own self-doubt.

When I started sharing my music, I was excited. I felt like I was finally doing something that was true to who I am—creating, expressing myself. But almost as soon as I put my work out there, the criticism started. People questioned my talent, my decisions, even my military service. Some people didn’t believe I had been deployed or that I had gone through what I said I had. Others judged me for asking for support when I was homeless, as if my struggle wasn’t valid enough for their empathy.

Each time I heard these criticisms, it was like a blow to the little bit of confidence I had built. It wasn’t just about my music or my work. It felt personal, like they were saying I wasn’t worthy—not worthy of success, not worthy of help, not even worthy of being heard. And those words fed directly into the self-doubt that had already been planted in me years before.

I remember one particularly hard moment when someone told me flat out that I was delusional for chasing my dreams. They said I should just give up, get a real job, and stop pretending that I could make something of myself. That stung. It didn’t matter how hard I had worked, how much I had survived, or how deeply I cared about what I was doing—those words hit me in the gut and left me wondering if they were right. Was I chasing something that would never happen? Was I really fooling myself?

For days after that, I felt paralyzed. It was like all the progress I had made, all the work I had put into myself and my dreams, came crashing down in a single moment. Self-doubt rushed back in, stronger than ever. And I let it—because for a long time, I believed that other people’s opinions mattered more than my own.

But here’s what I’ve realized: self-worth doesn’t come from anyone else. It can’t. If you rely on other people to validate your dreams, your efforts, or your life, you’ll never find peace. Because no matter what you do, someone will always criticize you. Someone will always tell you that you’re not enough.

I’ve survived things that most people can’t imagine. I’ve faced battles—both external and internal—that have shaped me into who I am. And whether or not other people understand that, or believe that, doesn’t matter. What matters is that I believe it.

Those critics? They don’t see the full picture. They don’t know what I’ve been through, and they don’t get to dictate how I feel about myself. The truth is, their voices only have power if I give it to them. And for a long time, I did. But not anymore.

I’ve learned that self-doubt thrives on criticism—it feeds on the negative voices around us. But the moment you decide that your worth isn’t defined by what others think, you take that power back. You start building a belief in yourself that’s unshakeable, because it’s rooted in something deeper: your own truth.

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BIOGRAPHY

Carl served in the Marine Corps from 2009 to 2013 as an Aviation Supply Specialist. He currently lives in Utah, just outside Salt Lake City. He attended UNLV in Las Vegas, where he earned a Bachelor's degree in Business Marketing with a GPA of 2.99.

Carl enjoys producing music on the computer, selling clothing products online, and building databases to solve problems in his business and personal life. He values measuring results and being analytical with his time and processes.

Carl has developed many meaningful friendships, a skill he learned to cultivate around the age of 30 following a traumatic PTSD episode. This difficult time in his life forced him to reach out for help, teaching him the importance of building a strong support network.

Through these experiences, Carl has come to value the connections he makes with others and actively works to maintain and nurture these relationships. His journey through hardship has deepened his appreciation for friendship and the support it can provide.